Getting children to cooperate is one of the greatest challenges of parenting. No matter how loving or patient you are, there are moments when your child simply won’t listen, won’t follow through, or seems determined to push every boundary you set. While this can feel frustrating, it’s important to remember that co-operation is a skill, and like all skills, it can be nurtured, taught, and strengthened over time.
Co-operation is not just about getting kids to “do what they’re told.” It’s about helping them understand expectations, building mutual respect, and teaching them how to work with others. When children learn to co-operate, they develop essential life skills such as emotional regulation, responsibility, communication, empathy, and problem-solving.
Here are seven powerful, parent-tested tips that can help you encourage more co-operation at home, with less stress and more connection.
1. Build Connection Before Giving Instructions
Children are far more likely to cooperate when they feel emotionally connected to you. Power struggles often arise when a child feels ignored, misunderstood, or disconnected.
Before giving directions, try:
- Making eye contact
- Gently placing a hand on their shoulder
- Saying their name warmly
- Squatting down to their level
- Starting with something positive (“I love how focused you were on your drawing…”)
For example, instead of shouting from another room, “Put your shoes on!” walk over, connect, and say, “Hey buddy, it’s time to get your shoes on so we can head out. Want to choose the red ones or the blue ones?”
A connected child feels seen and valued. And a child who feels seen is far more open to listening.
2. Offer Choices — Not Orders
Children crave autonomy. When they feel controlled, they resist. But when you give them a sense of choice, even in small ways, they become more willing participants.
Try offering limited, parent-approved choices such as:
- “Do you want to brush your teeth before or after putting on pyjamas?”
- “Would you like to walk to the car or hop like a bunny?”
- “Do you want two more minutes of playtime or three?”
This technique helps children feel empowered while still guiding them toward the outcome you need. It also reduces defiance, because they don’t feel forced into compliance; they feel involved.
3. Turn Tasks Into Fun Challenges or Games
Kids are wired to play. If you turn co-operation into a game, they’ll join in eagerly, sometimes even enthusiastically.
You can turn everyday tasks into playful challenges:
- “Let’s race to see who reaches the bathroom first!”
- “Can you carry all the toys that belong in the basket in one big superhero mission?”
- “Let’s pretend the laundry is a treasure we have to find and put in the treasure chest.”
Children naturally respond better to play than pressure. A spoonful of fun not only encourages co-operation but also strengthens your bond.
4. Use Clear, Simple, and Calm Instructions
Parents often assume children are ignoring them when in reality, the instructions may be too complex, too long, or too emotional.
Young minds process information differently. To encourage co-operation:
- Keep instructions short: “Shoes on, please.”
- Use a calm, steady tone.
- Give one instruction at a time.
- If needed, gently repeat the instruction rather than raising your voice.
Avoid unclear phrasing such as, “Can you pick up your toys?” which sounds optional. Instead, try, “It’s time to pick up your toys now. I’ll help you start.”
When instructions are simple and calm, children feel less overwhelmed and more capable of following through.
5. Praise Effort — Not Just Results
Children thrive on positive reinforcement. When you acknowledge and celebrate small successes, they naturally want to repeat the behaviour.
Effective praise focuses on specific actions rather than vague compliments:
- “I love how quickly you came to the table when I asked!”
- “You put your toys away all by yourself — that was so helpful.”
- “Thank you for cooperating even when you didn’t feel like it. That shows responsibility.”
Praise helps children feel competent and appreciated. It also reinforces the behaviours you want to see more often.
Positive reinforcement is far more powerful than nagging, bribing, or punishing, and its effects are long-lasting.
6. Set Clear Routines and Expectations
Children feel safer and behave better when they know what to expect. Routines reduce anxiety, create predictability, and eliminate many power struggles.
Create consistent daily routines, such as:
- Morning routine: wake up → bathroom → get dressed → breakfast
- After-school routine: snack → homework → playtime → dinner
- Bedtime routine: bath → pajamas → story → sleep
When routines are clear and consistent, children don’t feel blindsided. Instead of reacting emotionally to instructions, they follow the established flow.
To strengthen routines:
- Use visual charts for younger kids
- Practice the routine daily
- Give gentle reminders (“After your snack, it’s homework time.”)
When children understand expectations, co-operation becomes more natural.
7. Stay Calm and Model the Behaviour You Want to See
Children learn far more by watching than by listening. If you want your child to co-operate gently, respectfully, and calmly, you’ll need to demonstrate those qualities yourself.
If you yell, they learn yelling is part of communication.
If you stay calm, they learn how to regulate their emotions.
When you feel frustration rising, try:
- Taking a breath
- Speaking slowly
- Kneeling to their level
- Using empathetic phrases like, “I understand you don’t want to stop playing. It’s hard to pause something fun.”
Remember, co-operation is built through connection and respect, not fear or force. When your child sees you handling stress calmly, they begin to mirror that behaviour, and co-operation becomes easier.
Why Children Resist and How These Tips Help
Children resist for many reasons:
- They’re tired
- They’re overwhelmed
- They want independence
- They don’t understand the instruction
- They feel disconnected
- They’re distracted
- They’re learning to express emotions
Your child is not intentionally trying to frustrate you — they are simply navigating big feelings with a developing brain.
The seven strategies above work because they address these root causes. They help your child feel safe, connected, capable, and respected, which naturally increases willingness to cooperate.
Conclusion
Getting your child to cooperate is not about strictness, bribery, or forcing obedience. It’s about teaching them how to work with others, listen, understand expectations, and manage emotions, skills that will serve them throughout their lives.
When you:
- Connect before directing
- Offer choices
- Use play
- Communicate clearly
- Praise wisely
- Build routines
- Model calm behaviour
You create a home where co-operation becomes a natural part of daily life.
Be patient with yourself and with your child. Co-operation is a journey, not a destination. And every step you take toward understanding and connection brings you closer to the peaceful, supportive family environment you’re working hard to build.
